The Great Oompa Loompa Cover-up: A Liberal Expose
By: Rev. I.M. Black
Washington. Aug. 7– Republicans are scrambling to respond to liberal accusations of a cover-up of epic proportions. According to Washington insiders, The Speaker of the House has been linked to an ongoing decades long illegal immigration smuggling ring. Claiming to be from Reading,Ohio of largely German and Irish descent, Congressman Boehner has been a staunch advocate of tougher immigration policies for quite some time. However, recent photos have surfaced linking the Congressman to the encumbered Oompa Loompa population.
The pint-sized populace made famous in the 1971 film “Willy Wonka and The Chocolate Factory” is notoriously known for their orange skin, tireless work ethic, and nauseating happiness. Not to mention their affinity for German Lederhosen. Though diminutive in stature, scientist have agreed that genetic mutation is indeed possible within the secretive Oompa Loompa society. Is it possible that Boehner is the prodigal son of the Oompa Loompas? Could he have cut a back alley deal with Candy Czar Willy Wonka to enslave his own people? At first the thought seemed ridiculous but then I began to reflect on Congressman Boehner’s recent actions. He recently stalled any actions on HR 2885, the Legal Workforce Act, which would require the creation of an E-Verify system to crack down on illegal immigrants in the workforce. Why would a republican and advocate of tougher border security and harsher immigration laws not support this legislation?
For decades, Oompa Loompas were taken from their native land and brought to the United States under the guise of freedom, protection, and a better life. But alas, they live insular and solitary lives often trapped in their place of work their only interaction with their own people. They work countless hours paid only in cacao beans without the courtesy of overtime pay. Could John Boehner be associated with this sort of tyranny? A chocolate pushing Judas? Let’s hope these accusations are false though the evidence seems to prove otherwise.
*This is the first post from a good friend of Dathistoryguy. His name is Rev. I.M. Black and he is dedicated to giving you the unadulterated real! Look for his posts and share them with your family, friends, and colleagues!